BULLYING PREVENTION

October is bullying prevention month. 

Bullying is a hot topic. When I work with my community to provide education about childhood adversity, I often am asked to provide information regarding bullying prevention.

WHAT IS BULLYING?
To bully is to act in an aggressive or threatening manner repeatedly toward someone. 

STATISTICS
For those who are bullied...

• 20% to 30% of school-age children are bullied.
• Those who have more differences than others – different sexuality, different race, different culture, different cognitive abilities, etc. – get bullied more than others.
• Girls and boys are bullied to the same degree but experience different forms of bullying to different degrees. For example, girls are more likely to experience verbal and cyber-bullying, while boys are more likely to experience physical bullying.

For those who bully...

• Being popular, being in a position of power over peers, being male, having experienced more negative life events, having parents who bully others, and being a victim of bullying are among characteristics of bullies.

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NORMAL VS ABNORMAL PEER AGGRESSION
Aggression toward peers certainly is not uncommon nor even abnormal. All humans develop an “us versus them” mentality that’s based on what is normal or abnormal in their world.

We develop a sense of community based on family, friendships, and observable behaviors of those groups, which is wonderful, but can lead to aggression when we are exposed to people outside of that community.

Why? Because the other community is different and different can mean scary,
​threatening, and just plain wrong.

For example, a child whose experience of people is that everyone is able-bodied, might react negatively when he meets a person who uses a wheelchair or has a physical handicap. ​
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Abnormal Aggression
As exposure to other communities increases, judgment and aggression toward others decreases, and empathy for them is fostered. Bullying happens when aggression remains and empathy is not built; when threats and physical, verbal, and psychological violence continue without regard to consequences. This is abnormal aggression. This is violence. Yes, bullying is violence.

​HOW ARE BULLIES CREATED?
Sometimes a bully is a child or teen (or adult) who thinks he's better than his victims, and that's why he exerts power and control over them.

Many times, though, there are underlying issues in bullies that have gone unaddressed. They are dealing with their own emotional problems and their outlet has become other children who are less able to defend themselves.
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BULLYING PREVENTION
People seem to struggle with ways to prevent or address bullying. While nothing is going to eliminate bullying totally, here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Offer healthy social-emotional supports from infancy.
   1. The more infants and toddlers experience healthy socialization, the more their tiny brains fire in just the right ways to create appropriate and healthy brain growth. Healthy brain growth decreases negative health outcomes (and don't we want that for them and us?).
2. Intervene to stop
   1. After you stop the bullying and separate the children, DO NOT TALK TO THEM TOGETHER. Meet with children separately.  This is not conflict, it’s violence. We do not place an adult victim with the assailant, and we shouldn’t do this with children either.
   2. Which means no to peer mediation. A power differential exists between the bully and the bullied. That will not vanish just because you're in the room with them, or another peer is trying to help mediate. And power differentials create an atmosphere for the victim to remain silent.
3. Zero zero-tolerance
   1. Many bullies are in need of intervention, not because of their act of bullying, but because they are experiencing their own adversity that has gone unaddressed. Suspending or expelling a child for bullying creates a missed opportunity to provide positive supports to the bully as a means to decrease negative behaviors.
4. Exposure to multiple groups of people
   1. ​Limited exposure to different groups of people will keep children stuck in "us vs. them." The more exposure a child has to different cultures & subcultures that includes a sense of camaraderie instead of isolation, the more likely a child will be able to work and play peacefully alongside others.
5. Education about negative health consequences
   1. ​Some people think bullying is run of the mill for school kids, so they turn a blind eye. While bullying isn't uncommon, it certainly is not something to be ignored. Our country has seen serious consequences of bullying such as suicide and school shootings in recent years. 
6. Supports for parents
   1. ​Parenting is hard. Many communities and schools try to offer additional supports to parents as a way to strengthen families and communities. The possibilities are endless and can incorporate a variety of sectors (help with utilities, clothing & food; family medical practices incorporating trauma-informed questionnaires and follow-up; walking bus routes; community gardens; free parenting classes; free tutoring; extracurricular scholarships; etc.)

​BULLYING IS A NEGATIVE LIFE EXPERIENCE
Negative or adverse childhood experiences create a host of problems and negative outcomes for children, most notably in the absence of positive social supports or intervention.

Those who are bullied can develop medical and mental health disorders, struggle academically and socially, and become victims of additional violence throughout life. Those who bully also may struggle academically and socially because of their focus on hurting others, have a greater risk of incurring legal trouble, and may have difficulty sustaining employment.

For more information about childhood adversity and it’s outcomes, check out my previous blog post about what everyone needs to know about childhood adversity.

ACTION STEP
What can you do now to contribute to anti-bullying efforts in your community, schools, or even your home? Choose one thing from the list above and put it into action this week. Or maybe you've had a great anti-bullying idea in your head that's not on the list above -- great! Put that into action this week.

Looking for additional ideas on creating positive supports for children? You can find that here.

     - Erica L. Daniels, LPCC-S
     Pediatric Mental Health Counselor
     Child Counseling Place
     https://www.childcounselingplace.com
     ​
Erica provides therapy in the Cincinnati area to children and adolescents who have experienced adverse events such as abuse, bullying, divorce, neglect, and more. Check out her website, childcounselingplace.com for more information.

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